Mama you don’t see me
you look right thru me
I’m in agony
but you shut your heart
You are too busy
too much stuff to do
no time to see me
you need to watch your favorite show
you need to make coffee
you need to take the dogs outside
you need to clean the house
You quit the phone call
when you’re in danger to get too close
You don’t know me
you have no interest to do that
you don’t wanna know me
I’m just like a ghost to you
it doesn’t matter how loud I shout
you just shut your ears
you need my saint
me always doing the right thing
is something you need for not collapsing
you need my saint
and you won’t allow me to be broken
so I’m broken in disguise
and you support me in that
I’ve been crying
and listening to Pink Floyd
Is There Anybody Out There?
I wish he would scream the words
‘cause that’s what I wanna do
I just don’t have the strength
and I wish someone would scream for me:
Is There Anybody Out There?
I want your sympathy
so I tell you
I’m at home with my cat
my cat is my family
I wanna say like Lucy did
in the movie “While you were sleeping”:
“It’s not all bad
I have an apartment
I have, I have a cat (stuttering)
a remote control
-it’s all mine, very important
I just haven’t found anyone to laugh with”
I know how it feels
to be so lonely
that you would spend your Christmas
with someone who’s in a coma
-if I only knew someone who’s in a coma…
a very sane wish, I know
I do love my cat
she’s purring next to me
in this very moment
And it’s not all bad;
my penpal texted me photos about some teas
that she will give me if I want
I have no human near me
I only have little sparkles in my life
every now and then
I think those little sparkles
keep me alive
Sometimes I wonder
would it be easier
if I let my heart die
but it won’t help
because soul never dies
they won’t allow me
to live one life
the best I can
and then be all gone
Eventually me to be
only a name on the gravestone
-what a comforting thought
I wish I could stay in that utopia for a while
but the pressuring power of reality
is too strong
maybe I will play
Alice in Wonderland
and take the pill
I know it’s desperate
but.
There’s snow outside
I love the frosty cold winter Wonderland
you can find
icy jewelleries outside
and they are your treasures
until they melt
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