Mama you don’t see me

you look right thru me

I’m in agony

but you shut your heart

 

You are too busy

too much stuff to do

no time to see me

you need to watch your favorite show

you need to make coffee

you need to take the dogs outside

you need to clean the house

You quit the phone call

when you’re in danger to get too close

 

You don’t know me

you have no interest to do that

you don’t wanna know me

I’m just like a ghost to you

it doesn’t matter how loud I shout

you just shut your ears

you need my saint

me always doing the right thing

is something you need for not collapsing

you need my saint

and you won’t allow me to be broken

so I’m broken in disguise

and you support me in that

 

I’ve been crying

and listening to Pink Floyd

Is There Anybody Out There?

I wish he would scream the words

‘cause that’s what I wanna do

I just don’t have the strength

and I wish someone would scream for me:

Is There Anybody Out There?

 

I want your sympathy

so I tell you

I’m at home with my cat

my cat is my family

 

I wanna say like Lucy did

in the movie “While you were sleeping”:

“It’s not all bad

I have an apartment

I have, I have a cat (stuttering)

a remote control

-it’s all mine, very important

I just haven’t found anyone to laugh with”

I know how it feels

to be so lonely

that you would spend your Christmas

with someone who’s in a coma

-if I only knew someone who’s in a coma…

a very sane wish, I know

 

I do love my cat

she’s purring next to me

in this very moment

 

And it’s not all bad;

my penpal texted me photos about some teas

that she will give me if I want

 

I have no human near me

I only have little sparkles in my life

every now and then

I think those little sparkles

keep me alive

 

Sometimes I wonder

would it be easier

if I let my heart die

but it won’t help

because soul never dies

they won’t allow me

to live one life

the best I can

and then be all gone

 

Eventually me to be

only a name on the gravestone

-what a comforting thought

I wish I could stay in that utopia for a while

but the pressuring power of reality

is too strong

maybe I will play

Alice in Wonderland

and take the pill

I know it’s desperate

but.

 

There’s snow outside

I love the frosty cold winter Wonderland

you can find

icy jewelleries outside

and they are your treasures

until they melt

 

@Bohobird